We're Hijacking This Thing
by brattyteenagewerewolf
Summary: After England insults Spain's running with the bull's and bull fighting, the Bad Touch Trio decides to get some revenge. How? By hijacking the school paper to prove that everyone else has a far more stupid or dangerous past-time! Gauken.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: And welcome to a new story by yours truly AKA brattyteenagewerewolf, also known as Germany or Tala, depending on who you ask! So to give you a basic rundown of what this story is about, Spain gets insulted by England, who tells him that his running with the bulls is the stupidest sport/ festival thing he's ever heard of. But when you insult one of the Bad Touch Trio, you deal with them all! **_(Hell yeah! We're in this totally awesome bromance! - Prussia) (I believe the word you want is "sexy," not "awesome," Prushie - Italia)_** And how do they get revenge? By hijacking the school paper in order to prove that everyone else has far more stupid competitions than Spain does. **(That sounds like something they would do – Canada)** I'll include every country in Hetalia as well, as a few OC's if people want their countries involved (I plan on using my South Africa OC's :)) so if anyone wants OC's of their countries, give me a description of them and their name and a few stupid sports/ competitions or festivals that you know of in your country and I'll work them in :) I'd also appreciate it if you send in any ideas for stupid or downright dangerous sports/ competitions/ festivals you know about, and what country they are done in. I'm doing research, but there's a lot to get through. I'll also let you guys choose who you want next once I've done the initial three.**

**Human names will be used, unfortunately there will be no yaoi (or M rated stuff at least...), **_(Aww, why _bruder_, why? - Prussia)_(D= No yaoi? Aww... sad face... –Canada) **though there might be mentions of PruCan, Spamano, Gerita etc **(Okay~! That makes up for it =D Those are my top three favorite pairings. *heart*)

**Hetalia isn't mine, warnings for bad language.**

_Nobody gives a damn_

_Trying to understand_

_If I speak my mind_

_Will you deny the prize?_

_And If I try to stand_

_Where I can see_

_Will they still play the game_

_With you and me?_

_The Game- Breed 77 _(Fffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuu I lost the game! *head-desk* - Canada)

"You're kidding me, right?" The shocked Englishman asked as the sound of shouting and thundering hooves echoed through the street. "This is insane!"

Antonio frowned and paused from shouting his support to the people running amongst the bulls in front of him. "What do you mean, _mi amigo_? We do this every year! It's a lot of fun, _si_?" The light hearted Spaniard explained. "Oh shit, that had to hurt!"

Arthur sighed at how Antonio managed to still sound so cheerful while watching someone getting gored by a bull's horn. This 'running with the bulls' crap was the most ridiculous idea of a sport he'd ever heard of!

"This is ridiculous! It's just unashamed violence!" Arthur protested, wincing as someone got shoved into a wall by a furious half ton of bovine.

"Nonsense, _amigo_! Besides, you haven't seen the best part!" Antonio explained. The Englishman sighed, knowing he'd regret his next question.

"And what, pray tell, is the best part?"

"The bull fights! You haven't seen Spain until you've seen the matadors!"

.o.)O(.o.

"And then he said that I was a cruel, blood thirsty idiot, and that he'd never heard of such a stupid sport in his life!" Antonio complained throwing back some wine as he did so. Francis was quick to refill his glass before putting the bottle of wine back on the table. "Apparently, it's just an excuse for me to be cruel to animals, potentially maim and kill people and call it sport!"

"Now that's not fair, _mon ami_! _Angeleterre's_ done so many stupid things in his life! _Merde_! He's such a hypocrite!" The Frenchman sympathized, gesturing wildly with his hands and accidently spilling some of his wine. Gilbert nodded in agreement.

"And who's his calling blood thirsty? Has he seen his soccer fans?" The Prussian asked. "And didn't he once hold a shin-kicking contest?"

"_Oui_, he still does, _mon ami_." Antonio looked up curiously at Francis's comment.

"Seriously? What else has he done?" the Spaniard asked.

"I can't remember, he's done so many stupid things that they kind of run into each other!" Gilbert shrugged, snagging the bottle of wine from the table and taking a swig.

"Would it kill you to use a glass?" Francis asked with a frown as he stood to grab another bottle of wine. He didn't entertain hopes of getting the wine back from the Prussian, the last time he'd tried all he'd ended up with was red wine stains on the couch...

"Why? There's a perfectly good bottle here! You know Toni, maybe we should get some revenge... after all, you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us, _ja_?" Gilbert asked, a malicious glint in his eyes.

"I agree, _mon ami_, some light hearted vengeance is in order!"

"Wait, wait, amigos! Doesn't that kind of re-enforce the idea that I'm a cruel and blood thirsty bastard?" Antonio asked with a chuckle.

"Your point is?" Gilbert asked, taking another swig of wine.

"He's got a point, Gil. How about we just try to prove that 'running with the bulls' isn't as dangerous as it sounds, _oui_?"

"Just one problem there Francis, it _is_ as dangerous as it sounds. No offense Toni... as awesome as running with the bulls is, I don't want to get gored for the purpose of proving Arthur correct..." Gilbert explained with a light chuckle.

Antonio returned the laugh eagerly. "None taken, _amigo_. I know it's dangerous, and slightly stupid, but you can't deny that its fun!"

"_Honhonhon_. That it is! Hey, here's an idea! Why don't we just prove that everyone else has a stupider or more dangerous sport or past-time?" Francis offered. The trio shared a devious grin.

"Perfect! But how do we do that?" The Spaniard asked.

"Please, we're the awesome 'Bad Touch Trio', we'll come up with a plan! Hey, Francis, pass the frigging wine! Some of us are dehydrating here!" Gilbert ordered.

Francis sighed but gave the bottle to the Prussian after pouring a generous portion for himself and the Spaniard. "You're going to regret this in the morning, _mon ami_..." He chuckled as Gilbert took a large swig.

"Who cares? Now let's get onto business, shall we? _Keseses_!"

.o.)O(.o.

"So do we all know what to do?"

"_Gottverdamt,_ Toni! Stop being so God damn cheerful! You're giving me a headache!"

"No, _mon ami_; that would be the hangover..." Francis chuckled, answering for Antonio.

"Same thing..." Gilbert grumbled, rubbing his forehead with a wince.

"I did warn you..." Francis said with a smirk. Antonio nodded.

"That he did, _amigo_!"

"Shut up! Are we doing this or what?"

"_Honhonhon,_ that we are!"

"Operation: hijack the school paper is a go!"

"_Keseses_! I'll handle West, Toni you take Feli, and Francis; you can take Kiku! They'll never see it coming!"

.o.)O(.o.

_Let's do this!_

_Fake and fall_

_Stop and stall_

_Take it all back_

_Cause I'm taking mine_

_I'm taking mine_

_Time is up_

_Outta luck_

_Shoulda stood up when you had the time_

_But you're out of time_

_Let's do this!_

_Fight!_

_Fight!_

_Lock and load_

_Rock and roll_

_Bitch, it's all over, you're going down_

_You're going down!_

_Let's do this!_

_Get ready to settle the score_

_And get ready to face the floor_

_Cause it's time to remember it all_

_This is war!_

_War- Sick Puppies (guess who just developed a new love for this band? – Italia)_

**A/N2: And there's the prologue! Next chapter will involve either: Gilbert and Ludwig, Antonio and Feliciano or Francis and Kiku! Take your pick and whoever gets the most votes will be next!**

**Warning, chapters will be short but I reply to each and every review I receive via the space below. **_(She does…which means us lovely betas have to edit them too… - Prussia)(It could be worse . .. - Italia)_

**Big thanks to my three beta's Italy, Prussia and Canada! You guys are awesome! **_(Well, duh! This _is_ me you're talking about! – Prussia)_** After this chapter, it'll be Italy posting for me so thanks for offering to hack my account to post Italia! Oh and I'd appreciate it if you guys could give me a hand with research, me having limited internet (aka only my phone...) and all. **(I have some friends who used to live in Germany. I'll ask them but I can't promise a whole lot ^w^; - Canada) _(Cool! I'm going to tap my inner Italian - Italia)_

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2  Germany

**A/N: Since I got NO reviews for the previous chapter, I've decided to go with Germany first. Mainly because I've found the most sports, competitions and records for him (still working on Italy and Japan... help would be appreciated from anybody...)**

**Thanks to my wonderful beta's Canada, Prussia and Italy! I owe you for this! **_(I feel bad because school got the better of me and I couldn't get info in sooner T^T –Canada)_

**I don't own Hetalia or any of these competitions. References came from the show 'The Smoking Gun Presents The Worlds Dumbest...' and 'Guinness World Records 2008'. No offence was meant to anyone! Any mistakes are courtesy of the internet, or other sources.**

**Please review? Pretty please?**

_.o.)O(.o._

_Deutschland, Deutschland über alles,  
>Über alles in der Welt,<br>Wenn es stets zum Schutz und Trutze  
>Brüderlich zusammenhält.<br>Von der Maas bis an die Memel,  
>Von der Etsch bis an den Belt -<br>Deutschland, Deutschland über alles,  
>Über alles in der Welt!<br>Deutschland, Deutschland über alles,  
>Über alles in der Welt!<em>

_Deutsche Frauen, deutsche Treue,  
>Deutscher Wein und deutscher Sang<br>Sollen in der Welt behalten  
>Ihren alten schönen Klang,<br>Uns zu edler Tat begeistern  
>Unser ganzes Leben lang -<br>Deutsche Frauen, deutsche Treue,  
>Deutscher Wein und deutscher Sang!<br>Deutsche Frauen, deutsche Treue,  
>Deutscher Wein und deutscher Sang!<em>

_Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit  
>Für das deutsche Vaterland -<br>Danach lasst uns alle streben  
>Brüderlich mit Herz und Hand!<br>Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit  
>Sind des Glückes Unterpfand.<br>Blüh' im Glanze dieses Glückes,  
>Blühe, deutsches Vaterland!<br>Blüh' im Glanze dieses Glückes,  
>Blühe, deutsches Vaterland!<em>

_German national anthem-Lied der Deutschen (only third verse official)_

_.o.)O(.o._

"Come on _bruder_! Just one drink? It won't kill you!" Gilbert begged. Ludwig raised an eyebrow at him.

"The last time I went drinking with you, you got blind drunk and locked me in a closet with Italy so that we could 'make pretty babies'-"

"But West! That was just one time!" The Prussian whined. "Besides, I just wanted you to have fun with your little Italian boy toy!"

"It was the wrong Italian! Lovino wanted to kill me, and Feli started crying because he thought I was with his brother!" Ludwig growled. Gilbert frowned, well that explained all the complaining... "and Feli is _not_ my 'boy toy'!"

"Sure, West, sure... Now come on, one drink! I'll lend you my holiday house so you can have a nice weekend with Feli..." The albino tried to bribe.

The German snorted. "_Bruder_, you don't own a holiday house..."

"I have my methods... now come on, one drink!" Gilbert begged.

"...Fine... but you better make good on your promise!" Ludwig consented with a sigh.

.o.)O(.o.

"That can't be good for him..." Ludwig warned as Gilbert poured a little of his beer into the lid for Gilbird to drink. The canary gave a cheerful cheep before drinking some of the gold-brown liquid.

"Nah, Gilbird's awesome like that! He loves beer!" The Prussian brushed off, taking a swig of his drink. "Listen, about the holiday house..."

"I know it was a bluff..." Ludwig sighed as he took his own gulp of beer.

"Nah, it wasn't, but the offers only good for this weekend, I'm afraid..." The Prussian murmured apologetically as Ludwig's eyes widened.

"But- Today's Thursday! There's a paper due on Monday! What am I-"

"_Keseses_, chill _bruderlein_! Kiku can handle the paper, can't he?"

"Yes... but I don't have time to pack!"

"Dude, I'll give you a hand with it. You need a holiday!"

"I don't know..."

"Come on, it'll be fine! Now let's get some more drinks!" Gilbert laughed as he called over the barman.

.o.)O(.o.

Two hours (and three cases of beer) later, and the German was beginning to lean heavily to one side. Gilbert couldn't help but chuckle; that would teach his little brother not to try and keep up with him, drinks wise...

"Hey, _bruder_!"

"Hmm... What?" Ludwig slurred uncertainly.

"What sort of stupid sports have you come up with recently?"

"That is none of your bus- busy- oh, whatever!"

"Come on, _bruder_? Please?" The Prussian begged.

"_Nein_! You'll tease me if I tell you about cycle ball or extreme ironing! _Shieße_... I was drunk okay!" Ludwig stammered.

Gilbert blinked. "Cycle ball? Extreme ironing? What the fuck have you been up to, _bruder_?"

"Tequila and too much beer... it sounded like a good idea at the time! I mean soccer played on bicycles? It sounded awesome!"

"Okay... and the 'extreme ironing'?"

"...I really needed to iron my shirt..."

"Wow... That's gifted to say the least..." Gilbert admitted. "Why was it extreme?"

"I may have been bungee jumping at the time..." Ludwig slurred. The Prussian cracked up.

"_Keseses_, way to go, West! And whatever happened to that finger wrestling competition of yours? _Fingerhakeln_, right?"

"Stop teasing me about that! It was accidental! How was I supposed to know that I'd pull him over the table? Besides! I've done plenty of good things lately! Do you know that I hold the world record for pulling the heaviest vehicle, with just hooks in my skin! And for running through the most panes of safety glass! And let's not forget the greatest distance walked on hot plates!" Germany boasted. Gilbert went slightly green.

"Um... West? Isn't that slightly... well, masochistic?"

"That's nothing! I also own the record for most bras undone in a minute!"

"Seriously? Wow, well-"

"Shut up... I'm still talking! I undid fifty six!" Gilbert whistled appreciatively as his brother took another swig of beer.

"_Keseseses_! West, you dog, you!"

"With one hand!"

.o.)O(.o.

Gilbert decided to play the role of the caring big brother when Ludwig eventually passed out at the bar. Chuckling, the Prussian hooked his arms under the German's armpits, and started the long drag back to his room. Fuck his brother was heavy... but at least he had all the information he needed!

.o.)O(.o.

Ludwig groaned as he woke with a splitting headache. Why had he drunk that much alcohol? He couldn't even remember what had happened; just that he'd gone out with his brother...

The German murmured a thankful prayer as he discovered a glass of water and headache tablets on the table by his bed. He gulped them down before turning to the letter that had been beside it.

_Hey West! _

_Thanks for the fun time last night! Hope your head doesn't hurt too badly!_

_Your bag's packed and the keys and train tickets are by the door. Don't worry; I packed everything, now go grab your Italian before you miss the train! I've taken your research and shit for the paper down to Kiku already, so relax._

_Have fun, and don't forget to use protection!_

_Love the awesomest _bruder_ ever!_

The German cursed, leaping out of bed to grab everything. He would have preferred to pack everything himself, but he'd rather be on time for the train than to be late because he'd repacked the things his brother had packed...

Besides, Gilbert wouldn't try anything stupid or forget anything important. Right?

.o.)O(.o.

_Germany, Germany above all  
>Above everything in the world<br>When, always, for protection and defence  
>Brothers stand together.<br>From the Maas to the Memel  
>From the Etsch to the Belt,<br>Germany, Germany above all  
>Above all in the world.<br>Germany, Germany above all  
>Above all in the world.<em>

_German women, German fidelity,  
>German wine and German song,<br>Shall retain, throughout the world,  
>Their old respected fame,<br>To inspire us to noble deeds  
>For the length of our lives.<br>German women, German fidelity,  
>German wine and German song.<br>German women, German fidelity,  
>German wine and German song.<em>

_Unity and Right and Freedom  
>For the German Fatherland!<br>After these let us all strive  
>Brotherly with heart and hand!<br>Unity and Right and Freedom  
>Are the pledge of happiness.<br>Bloom in the splendour of this happiness,  
>Bloom, my German Fatherland!<br>Bloom in the splendour of this happiness,  
>Bloom, my German Fatherland!<em>

_German national anthem (English) _(Dude; that is some weird ass anthem! - Prussia)

.o.)O(.o.

**A/N2: Yes those are all real occurrences... Cycle ball is a sport that is pretty much soccer played on bikes. Extreme ironing is a competition in which competitors try to iron in the weirdest or most extreme circumstances (eg. while bungee jumping, on a trampoline, upside down...). _Fingerhakeln_ is a form of finger wrestling where the fingers are lashed together and the point is to pull the other person across the table to win.**

**The records put down here are also real and are all owned by Germans. The record for greatest distance walked on hotplates is 19.1m, the most panes of safety glass run through was ten, and the heaviest vehicle dragged with hooks through the skin was four tones over a distance of 91.4m. (**_You see, Germans are all completely mad! No offence, Germany. - Prussia)_

**In other words, Germany is extremely masochistic... I'm still impressed by the whole bra thing though, that takes some mad skills, my bru! **_(pfft. I coulda told ya that x3 – Canada)(It takes me almost a minute to put mine _on_! _OnO_ - Italia)_

**No offense meant to any Germans! I'll be having a go at my own country soon enough :) **_(I've been meaning to ask, where are ya'll anyways. I take the assumption of somewhere on the other side of the world. *ish American, go figure* - Canada) (We're South African ^_^ - Italia)_

**Please review, I like to know that people are actually reading this!**

**Again, thanks to my beta's Canada, Prussia and Italy!**

**Oh, and where Prussia got the holiday house from will be revealed soon enough! **_(It makes me happy, just to let you know! - Prussia) __(In answer to Luddy's question; False! 5 bucks on Prussia either packing something totally random/inappropriate or forgetting something of equal value. 3 bucks on both xD – Canada)_


	3. Chapter 3 italy

**A/N: and onto Italy! Thanks for all of your reviews, ideas and characters! I'll put them to good use once I have internet! sorry for the late update... blame italy. I wrote this months ago...**

**Hetalia isn't mine, please review and a big thank you to my wonderful beta's Prussia, Italy and Canada.**

_.o.)O(.o._

_Fratelli d'Italia  
>L'Italia s'è desta,<br>Dell'elmo di Scipio  
>S'è cinta la testa.<br>Dov'è la Vittoria?  
>Le porga la chioma,<br>Ché schiava di Roma  
>Iddio la creò.<em>

_Stringiamci a coorte  
>Siam pronti alla morte<br>L'Italia chiamò._

_Noi siamo da secoli  
>Calpesti, derisi,<br>Perché non siam popolo,  
>Perché siam divisi.<br>Raccolgaci un'unica  
>Bandiera, una speme:<br>Di fonderci insieme  
>Già l'ora suonò.<em>

_Stringiamci a coorte  
>Siam pronti alla morte<br>L'Italia chiamò._

_Uniamoci, amiamoci,  
>l'Unione, e l'amore<br>Rivelano ai Popoli  
>Le vie del Signore;<br>Giuriamo far libero  
>Il suolo natìo:<br>Uniti per Dio  
>Chi vincer ci può?<em>

_Stringiamci a coorte  
>Siam pronti alla morte<br>L'Italia chiamò._

_Dall'Alpi a Sicilia  
>Dovunque è Legnano,<em>  
><em>Ogn'uom di Ferruccio<br>Ha il core, ha la mano,  
>I bimbi d'Italia<br>Si chiaman Balilla,  
>Il suon d'ogni squilla<br>I Vespri suonò._

_Stringiamci a coorte  
>Siam pronti alla morte<br>L'Italia chiamò._

_Son giunchi che piegano  
>Le spade vendute:<br>Già l'Aquila d'Austria  
>Le penne ha perdute.<br>Il sangue d'Italia,  
>Il sangue Polacco,<br>Bevé, col cosacco,  
>Ma il cor le bruciò.<em>

_Stringiamci a coorte  
>Siam pronti alla morte<br>L'Italia chiamò_

_-Italian national anthem_

.o.)O(.o.

"Hell no, tomato bastard!"

"Aw c'mon Lovi! It's just a few questions!" Antonio pouted. Lovino was refusing to answer the spainiard's questions and glared at Feliciano when he tried to talk.

"Ve? there's no harm in it, Fratello..." The Northern italian murmured.

"NO!"

Feliciano sighed before turning to Antonio. "Well... We have the battle of the Queens!"

"The battle of the queens?"

"Si! it's a cow fighting tournament, we learnt about it from big brother Francis and Vash. We pit two cows against each other who try to push each other away. It's lots of fun! And there's also ass riding!" Antonio's eyes widened while Lovino sputtered.

"Chigi! Idiota fratello! They're donkey races not some sort of perverted sport bastard! For the St Josef festival that my brother hosts." Lovino choked out.

"But aren't you one italy now? don't you both host it?"

"If my fratello hosts something that idiotic, bastard, than we aren't unified. The same goes for his battle of the oranges, human chess games because he's too much of a coward to have actual fighting and frog races. I don't have any weird traditions or sports!"

"But fratello, what about the Gioco del Ponte? We both have that!"

"What was that Feli?" Antonio asked as Lovino spluttered, swore and blushed.

"Ve- the gioco del ponte, we fight for control of a bridge. It's between Northern districts and Southern districts and we used to have physical wars! ...but that got banned... So we push a cart now and whoever does the better job wins! It's so much fun and everyone dresses in traditional spanish military costumes!"

"Fuck don't tell him that!" Lovino swore as Antonio looked at him with a happy smile.

"Aw! Mi tomate you do love me! te amo Lovi!" The spainiard shouted gleefully before engulfing the italian in a bone crushing hug.

"Chigi! It's not like that tomato bastard! let go of me damn it!" Lovino cursed, struggling to get away.

"C'mon Lovi! I've got some churro's in my room for us to share! oh, Feli?"

"Ve?"

"Ludwig's taking you on holiday and needs you to meet him at your room. Gilbert packed your bags already. Have fun, si?" Antonio explained.

"Yay! Thanks Tonio! I'll get you two a souvineer!" Feliciano exclaimed before running back to his room.

"Wh-What? damn it that bastards not going anywhere with my brother!" Lovino protested struggling to get away. "Let go!"

"Aw but Lovi... what about the churros?" The italian stopped struggling for a second and glanced down the passages. There was no-one around.

"Fine bastard... But you owe me for mi fratellone!"

"Of course Lovi. So do want your churro now?" The spaniard asked with what could only be described as a lecherous grin.

.o.)O(.o.

_Italian Brothers,  
>Italy has awakened,<br>She has wreathed her head  
>With the helmet of Scipio.<em>

_Where is Victory?  
>She bows her head to you,<br>You, whom God created  
>As the slave of Rome.<em>

_Let us band together,  
>We are ready to die,<br>We are ready to die,  
>Italy has called us.<em>

_Italian national anthem- english translation_

.o.)O(.o.

**A/N2: again these are all very real competitions.**

**I explained the battle of the queens, the donkey races and the Gioco del Porte in the story but the battle of the oranges is a giant food fight, the human chess games comes from a legend where two knights were fighting for the favour of a princess and the king, wanting to avoid bloodshed and death staged a giant chess match using people as the pieces and frog races involve two people one of whom sits in a wheel barrow holding a frog while he or she gets pushed through the city. If the frog jumps out the pair have to stop, get out and grab it again. **

**I hope you appreciated my innuendo :) Lovi and Antonio are going to have some fun tonight!**

**Review replies:**

**FiveLeggedTango: I'm glad you enjoyed it :) and thanks for the ideas! America and England are going to look crazy by the end of their chapters cause they have more weird sports and traditions than anyother country. At least America can argue a large land mass, England has no excuse... I'll use all of those things :) thanks for the review!**

**TheUn-AwesomeMe: haha, long time no see! yep, trusting prussia is stupid... and your suspision's would probably be correct :) Thanks, I'll find that useful! thanks for the review!**

**Japan: And, we've got a mexico! he sounds interesting and the whole Benito thing could come in handy when one takes Prussia into account :) I'm sure Canada say's hi back. Thanks for the review and ideas!**

**Zaliea: Sorry about the update delay! hope you enjoyed! thanks for the review!**

**The Odd One 95: yep, that he is :) hope you enjoyed the update!**

**ScarletNor: yeah, I also raised an eyebrow at that. Makes South Africa seem normal and we had a thief strip a guy and superglue him to a bike for the hell of it. thanks for the help, I needed some for Japan and the others (especially Japan since he's next) I'll go to those sites and get more information once I have internet :) thanks for the review!**

**Please drop a review!**


	4. Chapter 4 japan

_Kimiga yo wa Chiyoni  
>Yachiyoni Sazaréishi no,<br>Iwao to narité,  
>Koké no musumadé<em>

_Japanese national anthem_

.o.)O(.o.

"Bonjour Kiku!" Kiku blinked, unsure as to why Francis was speaking to him. They weren't even aquaintances let alone friends. He recovered quickly though and turned to face the frenchman.

"Konichiwa Francis-san, can I help you?" He asked politely. Francis chuckled before throwing an arm around the suddenly nervous man's shoulders. Kiku's mind started racing. He'd heard about Francis's advances but hoped that this wasn't the case.

"Hon hon hon, Well Mon cher, My friends and I are working on a... project for lack of better words. We were wondering if-" Francis was interrupted by Kiku pulling away with a beet-red face.

"Sumi masen Francis-san... but... it wouldn't be proper..." He spluttered. Francis started laughing.

"Non non, not sex. It's more a questionaire. We're researching the weirdest traditions and sports of all the nations. Unless you want to have sex of course?" He purred.

Kiku tried to restore his impassive face. "Ie, sumi masen. I can help with the questionaire though." It seemed like the lesser of two evils.

"Perfect!" Francis pulled out a notebook and pen preparing to take notes. "So what weird sports do you have in Japan?" He asked.

Kiku sighed. "Well we have the Nakizumo, though it's more of a tradition than sport..."

"Nakizumo?"

"Hai, two sumo wrestlers each hold a baby and see who can make it cry first." Francis almost dropped his notebook.

"...Isn't that child abuse?"

Kiku shook his head before explaining. "Ie, It's good luck. A baby that cries grows fast. It blesses the babies." Francis raised an eyebrow but dropped it. It still sounded like child abuse to him.

"...Okay... Anything else?"

"Well... we have a sort of... how would you say it? Pig Rodeo?" Kiku asked, slightly embarrassed.

"Pig rodeo?" The only rodeo Francis could think of was America's where cowboys tried to stay on the backs of bulls and wild horses. "You try and stay on the backs of pigs?"

Kiku nodded. "hai..." He said quietly.

"I'm not going to ask... anything else?"

"niratobashi and we once did a thirty one legged race."

"...Thirty one?" Francis asked, even he had to admit that that was impressive.

"Hai."

"and what was the first one?"

"niratobashi. It's a leek throwing competition."

Francis shook his head. He hadn't been expecting anything like this. "Is that all?"

"Um... well... there is one more..." Kiku murmured, struggling to remain impassive.

Francis raised an eyebrow, noting the japanese man's embarrassment and unease. "Oh?"

"The Hadaka Matsuri..." Kiku mumbled. "or the naked festival."

Francis smiled and chuckled. "hon hon hon Do tell!"

Kiku blushed. "We pick someone to be the naked man and he represents all the evil and gets chased by around a thousand men dressed only in loin cloths. It's good luck to touch him." He explained.

"Well, that should be all, just one more thing. When exactly IS this naked festival?"

.o.)O(.o.

"I've got Japan's!" Francis shouted, showing the other two members of the bad touch trio the notes. "And on the fourteenth of January we're going to Kyoto, Japan!"

"Why?" Gilbert asked with a raised eyebrow. Antonio looked at Francis questionly.

Francis smirked. "Two words: Naked festival!"

"AWESOME!"

"Definitely! oh and Francis?"

"Oui?" The frenchman asked, looking at the spaniard.

"The battle of the queens?"

"the Combat de reines?"Francis asked before he shrugged. "I was drunk non?"

.o.)O(.o.

_May thy peaceful reign last long!  
>May it last for thousands of years,<br>Until this tiny stone will grow into a massive rock  
>And the moss will cover it all deep and thick<em>

_japanese national anthem- english translation_


	5. Chapter 5 Switzerland

**A/N: I know, long time… I've been a bit busy…**

_When the morning skies grow red  
>And o'er their radiance shed,<br>Thou, O Lord, appeareth in their light.  
>When the Alps glow bright with splendour,<br>Pray to God, to Him surrender,  
>For you feel and understand,<br>For you feel and understand,  
>That he dwelleth in this land.<br>That he dwelleth in this land._

_In the sunset Thou art nigh  
>And beyond the starry sky,<br>Thou, O loving Father, ever near.  
>When to Heaven we are departing,<br>Joy and bliss Thou'lt be imparting,  
>For we feel and understand<br>For we feel and understand  
>That Thou dwellest in this land.<br>That Thou dwellest in this land._

_When dark clouds enshroud the hills  
>And gray mist the valley fills,<br>Yet Thou art not hidden from Thy sons.  
>Pierce the gloom in which we cower<br>With Thy sunshine's cleansing power  
>Then we'll feel and understand<br>Then we'll feel and understand  
>That God dwelleth in this land.<br>That God dwelleth in this land._

_Switzerland's national anthem- English_

"Okay, so we have Germany, Italy and Japan…" Francis mused as he ticked the names off of the long list of nations they'd put together. Antonio had dozed off on the couch whilst Gilbert was busy typing up the different sports and festivals. "And all three are now out of the way."

"ja, where exactly did you put Japan anyway?" the Prussian asked with a raised eyebrow.

"The basement."

"The basement? Seriously?"

"What, he has food and water?"

Gilbert shook his head and sighed, closing his laptop after saving. "If you say so… so who's next on the list anyway?"

"How about I handle Switzerland and Liechtenstein, you handle Australia and Antonio, if he ever wakes up, handles Finland?"

"Kesesese! Sound's awesome! Who gets the honour of waking up sleeping beauty?"

.o.)O(.o.

"Bonjour Switzerland!"

"Come any closer and so help me I'll shoot you." the temperamental blonde spat when he saw Francis coming towards him. "Same goes for my sister!"

The Frenchman frowned, placing a hand over his heart as if grievously wounded. "You wound me… and I just wanted to ask some questions, that's okay non?"

"No, it's not okay."

"but-"

Francis didn't get a chance to continue seeing as Vash turned on his heels and walked away from him before he could.

"maybe I can help?" a soft voice asked making the Frenchman's face light up immediately as he turned to smile at Liechtenstein.

"That would be wonderful mon cheri! I just want to know if you and your brother had any weird sports and festivals for the school paper."

Liechtenstein frowned. "I thought Germany ran the paper?"

"Oui, but he's… indisposed."

The girl shrugged. "Okay, I don't see why not…" she thought for a minute before smiling. "Well, we do have the ClauWau or Santa festival."

"ClauWau?"

"Ja, there's the Santa's Zipfybob Race, Santa's Journey, Creative Santa which is the making of snow sculpture and gingerbread hearts, Santa's sleigh race, Santa's chimney climbing, Santa Clauben and Capricorn Sprint. There is also the Santa Parade if that helps?"

Francis nodded, frantically scribbling everything down. "I see anything else?"

"He sometimes hosts a battle of the queen's like you do." The girl giggled making the Frenchman chuckle.

"I see… and what about you?"

"We don't really have anything at home; I leave that to big brother. Oh and Francis, if you don't take your hand off my bum I will call my big brother."

"Sorry mon cheri, thanks for the information!"


End file.
